Reunited...and Pregnant Page 12

  Such a man answer, Cady thought. “No, it’s not. Emotions get jumbled up with physical pleasure, and everything gets turned upside down. We’re emotionally connected at the moment and that could deepen if we sleep together. It’s better that we take some time, put some space between us.”

  Beck took a minute to answer her. “And that would be a bad thing?”

  “Of course it would be a bad thing! Beck, you broke my heart and I’m not prepared to give you another chance to do that. I’m working for you and I am being so damn unprofessional. I hate myself for not being able to resist you. And, for God’s sake, just to add to this pile of crazy, I’m pregnant!”

  “Your being pregnant isn’t a problem for me,” Beck said, his eyes hot but his voice calm.

  “It should be!” Cady threw her hands up in the air at his stubborn face. “I’m hormonal, emotional and I know myself well enough to know that sex with you, right now, would not be good for me.” Cady couldn’t blink away the tears in her eyes. “I need some distance, Beck. From you, from us, from how you make me feel.”

  “Why?”

  Cady picked up her laptop, shoved it into her tote bag and did a quick scan of his loft for anything she’d left behind.

  “Because I don’t want to get too used to something I know is temporary. Because one of these days you’re going to get scared and bolt and I can’t allow you to break my heart again. I can handle sex with you, I can handle being friends with you, I can work for you—but I can’t be emotionally attached to you. I can’t let you break my heart again, Beck.”

  Cady walked to the door and put her hand on the knob and pulled it open.

  “Cady.”

  She looked over her shoulder to see him standing there, hot and a little bewildered. “Yeah?”

  “My heart broke, too.”

  Cady lifted one shoulder in a sad shrug. “That was your choice, Beck, not mine.”

  Nine

  “Come on, guys,” Beck complained as he stepped out of the taxi in front of The Den, the brownstone he’d grown up in. He scowled at the paparazzi standing in front of the steps leading up to the front door. “Isn’t there someone else for you to stalk?”

  A bearded man in a combat jacket shrugged and lifted his camera to his face. “You and Cady are the current fascination. When are you going to admit or deny your engagement?”

  “When hell freezes over,” Beck retorted, holding his hand out to Cady. Her bare fingers slid into his hand and he felt the same buzz he always did when they connected. They’d been sleeping together for more than two weeks and the electricity arcing between them seemed to be intensifying. As if by mutual agreement they kept the sex between them hot, the conversation light. Damn him for, occasionally, wanting the sex to be fun and the conversation deep. But, he acknowledged, it was safer this way.

  Cady climbed out of the cab and immediately buried her face in her voluminous scarf. A hat covered her dark curls and she looked mysterious and sexy, and Beck knew that the media’s interest in her was fueled in part because she was an unknown and because she looked liked Audrey Hepburn with light eyes and long hair.

  “When is the wedding?”

  Beck ignored the question and pulled a shivering Cady to his side as they walked up the steps to the imposing front door of The Den.

  “Cady isn’t wearing your mom’s ring. Why not?”

  Because it’s fake, you moron, and no fiancée of mine is going to wear a fake engagement ring.

  “None of your business.” Beck tossed the words over his shoulder. Nobody outside the family knew what happened to the original ring, the real one. He’d looked but he hadn’t found another stone to match it. Red beryl was incredibly rare and stones above two and three carats were even rarer. Finding another five-carat beauty was impossible.

  It didn’t matter; he was never going to offer it to a woman—Cady or anybody else.

  He unlocked the door and ushered Cady inside, inhaling the familiar smell of fresh flowers and beeswax polish. He took off his coat, hung it up on the rack next to the door and watched Cady unwind her scarf.

  She looked nervous and he couldn’t blame her. His family would all be present tonight, including Amy and Tate, who’d moved into The Den with her sister’s—and Linc’s ex-fiancée’s—ten-month-old baby. What was with all the babies suddenly? Up until three months ago there had only been Shaw, Linc’s four-year-old, but now they were being overrun with the smaller species. Ty was new, Linc’s ex’s baby was living with them, Piper was pregnant and Cady was pregnant.

  Was there something in the water?

  Beck took Cady’s coat and scarf and noted how beautiful she looked She wore a tight-fitting blue sweater over a blue-and-white-checked shirt, equally tight camel-colored jeans tucked into brown, knee-high leather boots. She didn’t need designer clothes to look stylish; she had a way of putting together outfits that just worked. Unlike him. He needed a stylist to buy his clothes. Stefan even packed his closet, hanging all the items together so that Beck couldn’t go wrong.

  Cady jumped at the shout of laughter coming from the living room, and Beck took her hand. “It’ll be okay, Cady. This is a safe place. You don’t need to pretend here.”

  “Then why am I here?” Cady asked. “I don’t need to be here.”

  Her lack of enthusiasm about spending time with his family shouldn’t hurt him but it did. These were his people, dammit, and he wanted her to like them. And them to like her. But why? he asked himself. It wasn’t like she was going to be a permanent part of his life.

  Irritated with his irrational thoughts, Beck said, “You haven’t had time to brief Linc, Sage and Jaeger about the response to the campaign. They don’t know what a success it’s been. I thought you could do that tonight.”

  “But you try not to talk business at these dinners,” Cady replied.

  “We try not to but we always do. It’s a hazard of running a family business.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to him. “What’s the matter, Cades?”

  Her eyes skittered away from his. “Do they know I’m pregnant?” she asked.

  “I haven’t told them.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it has nothing to do with them. But if you want to tell them, feel free.”

  Cady shook her head. “No, I just thought you would’ve—”

  “I didn’t,” Beck assured her. When she still wouldn’t look at him, he asked, “What else is bugging you, Cady?”

  “I’m not usually intimidated by people, regardless of how rich they are, but this—you—” Cady waved her hand around the hall “—this is serious, Beckett.”

  Serious? What was serious? “You’ve lost me.”

  “The Ballantynes are old money New York, one of the most influential families in the city. I’m from a middle-class family in a tiny upstate town. This house, the business... It’s all a bit intimidating, Beck. The chandelier, the staircase, the fancy furniture.”

  “The hall table is eighteenth century. French, I think, but my grandmother found it in a junk shop and restored it herself.” He looked up at the massive chandelier. “If you look carefully, there are still tiny spitballs on it. It was a prime target when we were kids. Yeah, the staircase is imposing but hell, you can get some serious speed when you slide down the banister on your butt. It’s just a house, Cady.”

  “Cool! Can I do that, Uncle Beck?”

  Beck turned and saw blonde-haired and blue-eyed Shaw standing next to him. The kid had skills that ninjas didn’t, Beck thought, hoisting the kid up and over his shoulder to dangle him down his back, his hand gripping both his ankles.

  “Beckett!” Cady gasped, shocked.

  “Don’t worry, he always does this,” Shaw told her, laughter in his voice.

  Beck fumbled his grip, trying to scare the boy, but
Shaw just giggled. “Nice try, Uncle Beck. I know you won’t drop me, because if you do my dad will fry your gizzards in hot oil.”

  “Do you even know what a gizzard is?” Cady asked him, amused.

  “Nope. I’m Shaw, who are you?” Shaw asked as Beckett started to walk in the direction of the living room.

  “I’m Cady.”

  Beck stood back to gesture her into the room that held the crew. Jo, Linc’s mom, held a cute biracial, blue-eyed baby, and Ty, Jaeger’s son, was sitting between Jaeger’s feet on the floor and dropping biscuit crumbs on the rare Persian carpet. Piper was talking to Amy, and Linc was watching Tate, who stood apart from the family, looking like she was ready to bolt.

  Fun times at The Den, Beck thought on a wry smile.

  As his brothers stood up, Shaw wiggled his way into Beck’s arms. The boy stared at him, clearly puzzled. “The storks must be really busy at the moment, hey, Uncle Beck?”

  Storks? Had Shaw moved on from his train craze to birds? “Why do you say that, bud?”

  “Well,” Shaw said into the silence that had fallen over the room, “storks bring babies and there have been a lot of them lately. There’s Ty and Ellie, and Piper has a baby in her tummy and Cady said she’s pregnant—that means she has a baby in her tummy, too, doesn’t it?”

  Oh, dammithellcrap. All the curse words Jo banned from this house came rushing through his mind as one.

  Thanks, Shaw, Beck thought as Cady turned pale and bolted for the powder room.

  Thanks a lot, buddy.

  Beck turned back to his family and sighed at their raised eyebrows, their cocked heads. He also caught the resignation on his siblings’ faces, the expectation that he would refuse to discuss this any further. It was what he did, as Cady had pointed out to him the other night when she’d cried tears for the little boy he’d been.

  He’d thought long and hard about what she’d said, and her belief in his innocence melted some of the ice around his heart, the guilt he’d lived with all his life. For the first time in forever, he thought that maybe it was time to forgive the child he’d been. Oh, he wasn’t there yet but maybe, with a little work, he could get there one day soon.

  But he did know that it was time to really start reconnecting with his family, that he needed to start opening up to them on a deeper level. These were the people he trusted and it was time he showed them that he did. He took the glass of whiskey Jaeger poured for him and shrugged. “It’s not my kid.”

  He thought he should clear that up, just in case anyone had their doubts.

  “We kind of figured that,” Linc drawled.

  “Yeah, you work fast but not that fast,” Jaeger added.

  Piper smacked her fiancé’s shoulder and sent him a “be serious” glare. Beck tossed her a look of gratitude. Opening up and talking was hard enough as it was without having to deal with their sarcasm. “How far along is she, Beck?” Piper asked.

  Beck shrugged, embarrassed that he didn’t know. “I’m not sure.”

  “Beckett, really?” Jo asked, shocked.

  “Has she seen a doctor?”

  “Is she taking vitamins? Getting enough sleep?”

  Amy, Julia, Piper and even Tate looked horrified at his lack of information. But, in his defense, every time he raised the issue of her pregnancy, Cady changed the subject. He hadn’t pushed and if the looks he was receiving from the females in his life were to be believed, he’d messed up, big-time.

  “Is her being pregnant a problem for you?” Amy demanded.

  Beckett frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “If you’re developing feelings for her, will her pregnancy put you off?”

  He looked down the hall to make sure that Cady hadn’t left the powder room. “I’m not developing feelings for her, Ames.”

  Or was he?

  She was the only one he’d ever told his whole story to, the only one who knew about his mother’s pregnancy. She occupied far too many of his daytime thoughts and his nighttime dreams. Being with her, making love to her, was the closest thing to heaven on earth.

  Or maybe it was just the residual feelings from years ago seeping their way back into his psyche. It didn’t mean that he was in love with her.

  He couldn’t be. It wasn’t part of his life plan.

  A life plan he’d made for himself at eight? How reasonable was that?

  Beck frowned at that rogue thought and shook his head, quickly turning back to the conversation at hand. He’d rather take grief from his family than consider that he’d based his life on a lie.

  “You didn’t answer the question.” Sage leaned forward, her eyes on his. “Would Cady being pregnant with someone else’s child be a problem for you?”

  If he decided to be with Cady, would a baby be a problem? He didn’t think so. He liked kids, babies didn’t scare him and he could, thanks to babysitting Shaw more times than he could remember, do what needed to be done. And yeah, he wasn’t thrilled that she was pregnant by someone else, but if the choice was between Cady and baby or no Cady, he knew that he’d chose her and the child.

  But that wasn’t a choice he was going to make.

  He lifted his glass in Linc’s direction. “Linc’s not blood but we seem to like him enough. If I decided to take on a woman with a child who wasn’t mine, I’d probably feel the same.”

  “Are you thinking of taking her on?” Linc demanded. “Because if you’re not, then you’ve got to let this go, Beck, before she gets hurt.”

  Beck shook his head. “Whoa, hold on. I’m not the only one who has his foot on the brake. She’s equally wary, equally not willing to start something we can’t finish.”

  “You really hurt her before, Beck. Please don’t do it again,” Sage begged him.

  Beck heard the door to the powder room open and he made a slashing motion across his face to silently order his family to change the subject. As he watched Cady walk back toward him, he thought it ironic that his family was so damned worried about her.

  Not one of them thought of the emotional danger he was in. None of them considered that his heart was on the line, as well. Was he that removed, that blasé, that they thought he couldn’t be hurt?

  They really didn’t know him at all. And whose fault was that? His. They’d tried; he hadn’t. He was the only person to blame.

  Right, that had to be changed.

  * * *

  Waking up in Beck’s bed the morning after the dinner with his family, which she’d enjoyed more than she should have, Cady heard the shower going in the en suite bathroom. Scooting up, she leaned her back against his leather headboard and pushed her tangled hair off her face. They’d made love last night and she’d fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep, wrapped in Beck’s arms. She loved spending time with him and, because her place was the size of a shoe box and Beck was a big man, they tended to gravitate to his place. As a result, Cady was starting to feel far too at home in his loft and his life.

  She just had to get through the cocktail party and exhibition of the Ballantyne jewelry collection and then her contract would be over. She had some money in the bank and better yet, a contract to do PR for a minor-league baseball team and another for a celebrity chef who was launching his own line of cookware. Between Julia’s recommendations and the fact that the Ballantyne International campaign was a huge success, she now had clients knocking on her door. With the money she earned from Ballantyne’s and these new contracts, she could rehire some of her staff and run a functioning office again.

  She was back in business.

  The Ballantyne contract would end next week and neither she, nor Beck, had broached the subject of whether they would continue to see each other after that. It was better if they didn’t, Cady admitted.

  She could no longer pretend that she wasn’t pregnant. Her stomach and brea
sts were rapidly expanding, and it was time for her to walk away from Beck before she started to show. Her being pregnant would raise a lot of interest in the press and she’d have to admit that the baby wasn’t Beck’s, which would make her look flaky at best, or, at worst, like someone who bed-hopped from one boss’s bed to another.

  An even better reason to walk away from Beck was because she wanted this; she wanted him. Oh, not the luxurious loft or the designer furniture but what it represented. Security, companionship, acceptance...

  Love.

  She wanted him to love her. She’d thought she wanted him at nineteen but it didn’t come close to the depth of what she now felt. Back then she’d a vague idea of life with Beck but that was a life on the road, slightly unreal. Life with Beck, grown-up life, meant early-morning coffee after he came in from the gym, sex in the shower, arguing about politics—she was a little conservative, he a tad too liberal—sharing meals, time, memories and their bodies.

  With Beck she felt alive, like the real, genuine Cady she’d always wanted to be.

  But she was pregnant, he was her boss and he didn’t want her the way she wanted him. One of these days, when the bloom left the rose, he’d realize that he was in too deep and he’d back off, all the way off. And he’d let her go. Could she live her life wondering whether this was the day, the hour, the minute he’d decide that it wasn’t working, that it was time for her to go?

  If he left, she couldn’t crawl up into a ball and sob. She had a business to run, a child to raise.

  This time her heart wouldn’t break, it would shatter. And she’d have no hope of patching it together again.

  It would be better if she gently, quietly, put some distance between them. She’d spend less time with him and in a month or two, they could issue a quiet press statement saying that they’d parted amicably and were still good friends.

  Cady’s head snapped up as the bathroom door opened and Beck stepped out, a towel wrapped around his waist and droplets of water still on his chest and arms. His eyes widened in what she thought might be pleasure at seeing her still in his bed. “Hi. You’re awake. Sleep well?”